Last Friday on the way to a play date at the mall, Lily and I had the following conversation (I'll omit the parts leading up to this as they're inconsequential and would take waaay too much explaining):
Lily: Papa has a balcony at his house (apartment)
Me: No, Papa doesn't, you have to be up high to have a balcony
Lily: Well, Jesus is up real high in heaven. He has a balcony.
Me: *laughing* Yes, I bet Jesus does have a balcony.
Lily: I was with Jesus before you pushed me out of your belly?
Me: Yes, you were Bean, and then you came to live with us and when you die you'll go back to heaven to be with Jesus & God.
Lily: No, Mama. I won't be with them again. I won't die. (then matter of factly) Kids don't die, Mama.
This was a very humbling moment in my motherhood. This is the way it *should* be. Babies shouldn't die. Kids shouldn't die. No parent should ever have to bury their child regardless of that child's age. But, in that moment I was taken back to Columbine; to 9/11; to most recently (at that time) Sandy Hook. Of course, at 3, I don't feel it necessary to talk about these things with her. So, I somberly responded, "No, baby. Kids don't die".
Then, only a couple days later, the Boston Marathon Bombing happened. Lily's seen me watch the news. She asks what's happening and I explain that people were running and got hurt. That's all I can bring myself to explain to her. I can't burst this bubble she lives in right now. I can't take away that innocence that this world we live in is as horrible as it seems sometimes. And I wish I could live in that bubble with her. Where kids don't die. That they're not senselessly murdered, that they don't get terminal illnesses or die any other way. That they all grow to have babies & grandbabies & great grandbabies. No, I don't wish I lived in that bubble. I wish that was a reality.
I know that there will come a time when I have to explain the truth to Lily, just as so many had to do after the Sandy Hook incident. I pray that when that time comes, God gives me the strength and the words to help her understand the cruel world we can live in and to give her hope not fear. That, in the end, she still believes, as I do, that people as a whole are good people. That she chooses to change the world she lives in by loving others and doing good. Because as Romans 12:21 (NIV) says, "Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good".