Monday, October 22, 2012

Here I Am, Stuck In The Middle With You

Lily is coming up to her birthday and smoothly transitioning from the "terrible twos" to "treacherous threes". While she can be funny and amazing and smart she is also often sassy, bossy and hard to handle.

She seems in a constant battle of being a big kid and a baby. I'm sure this is made worse by 1) having a baby sister and 2) having a 15(ish) month old around 3 days a week. She wants to brush her own teeth, wipe when she goes potty, pick out her own clothes. But at the same time she has started talking baby gibberish to me, has epic tantrums when she doesn't get her way, is constantly putting her hands (and pretty much anything else) in her mouth. She wants to do everything on her own and cries when she can't; whether because I won't allow her or limited by her own capabilities.

You want to know the truth? I feel the same way as she does. I, too, am stuck in a battle of her being a big kid & a baby. I still do things I did for her as a baby like rocking her & singing to her (things I don't mind doing no matter how big she gets) and expectations I have for her as a big girl; knowing how to act in certain situations, eating properly, not having to be asked a lot of times to do things, etc. I find myself getting frustrated with her easily when she doesn't adhere to my ideas or meet my expectations. I often find myself reminding myself that she's not a big kid.

But she's not really a baby either. And I'm not sure where that leaves us. I guess we have another 6-12 months to figure it out. I read somewhere (FB? Babycenter? Some random blog? I don't know. I should write this stuff down) that this time is pivotal in a child's life. That while we go through this battle of being 2 & 3 years old we're often blinded to all the changes our toddlers are making. We may see the physical changes, the emotional & mental changes but what we miss is big. Like REALLY big. We miss our toddlers changing into the big kids we often expect them to act like. We miss them leaving babyhood behind. Because once you're on the other side of those terrible twos & treacherous threes you're left with a preschooler standing in front of you. An honest to goodness big kid. And there's no going back.

So for now, I'll try to appreciate the baby-ish things Lily does. I'll try to remember that in a moment not too far from now she won't need me to help her or rock her or even ask her to do things over and over again (or at least I can dream that one ~_^). In the not so distant future she will be the big girl that lives up to the expectations so for now, I'll try to be grateful that she's still my little girl. Not that she won't drive me crazy sometimes. But I'll remind myself that I'm going to miss this. Even the hard times. I'm going to miss my baby being my baby.

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