Monday, October 22, 2012

Here I Am, Stuck In The Middle With You

Lily is coming up to her birthday and smoothly transitioning from the "terrible twos" to "treacherous threes". While she can be funny and amazing and smart she is also often sassy, bossy and hard to handle.

She seems in a constant battle of being a big kid and a baby. I'm sure this is made worse by 1) having a baby sister and 2) having a 15(ish) month old around 3 days a week. She wants to brush her own teeth, wipe when she goes potty, pick out her own clothes. But at the same time she has started talking baby gibberish to me, has epic tantrums when she doesn't get her way, is constantly putting her hands (and pretty much anything else) in her mouth. She wants to do everything on her own and cries when she can't; whether because I won't allow her or limited by her own capabilities.

You want to know the truth? I feel the same way as she does. I, too, am stuck in a battle of her being a big kid & a baby. I still do things I did for her as a baby like rocking her & singing to her (things I don't mind doing no matter how big she gets) and expectations I have for her as a big girl; knowing how to act in certain situations, eating properly, not having to be asked a lot of times to do things, etc. I find myself getting frustrated with her easily when she doesn't adhere to my ideas or meet my expectations. I often find myself reminding myself that she's not a big kid.

But she's not really a baby either. And I'm not sure where that leaves us. I guess we have another 6-12 months to figure it out. I read somewhere (FB? Babycenter? Some random blog? I don't know. I should write this stuff down) that this time is pivotal in a child's life. That while we go through this battle of being 2 & 3 years old we're often blinded to all the changes our toddlers are making. We may see the physical changes, the emotional & mental changes but what we miss is big. Like REALLY big. We miss our toddlers changing into the big kids we often expect them to act like. We miss them leaving babyhood behind. Because once you're on the other side of those terrible twos & treacherous threes you're left with a preschooler standing in front of you. An honest to goodness big kid. And there's no going back.

So for now, I'll try to appreciate the baby-ish things Lily does. I'll try to remember that in a moment not too far from now she won't need me to help her or rock her or even ask her to do things over and over again (or at least I can dream that one ~_^). In the not so distant future she will be the big girl that lives up to the expectations so for now, I'll try to be grateful that she's still my little girl. Not that she won't drive me crazy sometimes. But I'll remind myself that I'm going to miss this. Even the hard times. I'm going to miss my baby being my baby.

Monday, October 8, 2012

May The Lord Bless You And Keep You, Adelyn Rose

Yesterday we had Adelyn baptized. It was a big day in her little life full of family who loves her and lacking in naps. The day turned out beautifully. We regretfully had to cut our guest list but in the end I feel like we made the right decision. The house wasn't overwhelmed with people and we were allowed a more intimate affair. Everyone got their chance holding & playing with Adelyn and I even got a chance to sit down, eat and socialize a little bit. I feel that Lily's baptism, even though wonderful, turned more into a social gathering and I lost sight of what the celebration was about. I feel it was greatly improved this time around.

After the ceremony, we headed back to our house for a chili bar that included my homemade chili, nachos & cheese, hot dogs and all the fixin's (cheese, sour cream, lettuce, tomatoes, onion, etc). It turned out very well! I was surprised how much people ate! We went through 2 packages of hot dogs, 2 bags of nacho chips and almost an entire crock pot of chili! People seemed very satisfied with lunch which makes me happy. I've been wanting to do a chili bar for awhile and yesterday was the perfect event and the perfect Fall day for one.

Part of Adelyn's baptism involved writing her a letter that we then read to her on stage. I did the writing and Steve did the reading. It was very hard for me to write this letter as I kept thinking about how to make it similar to Lily's. In Lily's we talked about my fertility and pregnancy problems and how Lily was a miracle baby straight from heaven into our arms. Because those issues remained the same, I thought I would write a similar letter to Adelyn. I tried and tried and tried. But it all I kept saying I wanted the same but different for Adelyn's letter. But then one night, just a few days before the letter was due, I prayed and asked for guidance in writing it. I prayed that God help me write what was in my heart. And then it came to me. The same but different isn't the right way to go. Adelyn is a different child and deserves a different letter despite the previously mentioned similarities. From there on out, it was relatively easy. The following is that letter:

Dear Adelyn,

As we look back on the past 6.5 months, we feel so blessed that God has entrusted us with such an amazing gift. He loaned you to us to help raise and mold into the person he envisioned you being. Even though you’re just a baby, that person is already shining through. You are sweet and kind and loving. You amaze us with your willingness to share your love with others whether it is by a smile, open mouth kiss, a coo or your unending want to snuggle. You touch the lives of so many people; family, friends, neighbors and even people on the street with your happiness & innocence.

Just like us, God has loved you before you were even born. But while we have hopes and aspirations for who you will be, He has a plan. As it says in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
There is no doubt that our Lord is going to use the light that already emanates from inside you to do something extraordinary. You can do so much and be so great as long as you follow the road that God has paved for you. Always listen to Him and let Him guide you along your pathway in this life. It won’t be easy as you get older and we all falter at times but remember that this family as well as God are always here for you to help you find your way back.

So it is on this day, that we recognize the gift our Lord has bestowed on us. We show our gratitude and acknowledge the responsibility that rests in our hands. Most of all, we start the journey with you that the Lord planned before you were even born. We know that one day you’ll have to make the choice to and grow on your own but we will pray that we have given you a strong enough root system to do so – roots that start here on your baptism.  Roots that not only come from us but from your God Parents, Rod & Sara as well as all of your family.

Adelyn, today, wearing a dress made from your mother’s wedding gown, which your sister was also baptized in as a symbol of the love you come from, we return you to the Lord and ask that he blesses you. And we ask that he have his hand in your life as well as this family so that we may lead you down a path that is blessed with love, grace and an eternal relationship with God

Mama & Dada

 “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. "