Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Pregnancy.Sucks.

There are a lot of women out there who will tell you how wonderful pregnancy is. They'll tell you all about the miracle of life and how wonderful it is to feel life growing & moving inside of you. These women are liars, dilusional, trying to perpetuate the human race.

I'm here to tell you the truth....PREGNANCY SUCKS. There's morning sickness, fatigue, heart burn, indigestion, waking up 100 times a night to pee, swelling, pain, headaches, certain ways you can & can't sleep, certain ways you can & can't have sex (assuming of course, you even want to have sex), weight gain, leaky boobs, insomnia, loss of control of your body and sometimes it's functions. It can be a rough 40 weeks, and that's just for a "normal" pregnancy.

Then you start tacking on the abnormal stuff: gestational diabetes (GD), pregnancy induced hypertension (PIH), pre-eclampsia (pre-e), HELLP, e-clampsia, pre-term labor (PTL), PUPPS, cholestatis, pubic symphysis dysfunction (PSD), the list of abbreviations goes on & on. And it all makes a sucky pregnancy even suckier.

I'm in the latter group of abnormally sucky pregnancies. I'm certain that my body doesn't want to get pregnant (I have PCOS) and then revolts once I force it to. With my first pregnancy I had bleeding and a "threatened miscarriage" in the first trimester. Second trimester was a  breeze. Then, I was diagnosed with PIH about 32-34 weeks into pregnancy. By 37 weeks I was diagnosed with pre-e and induced 2 days later. Induction, labor & delivery all went fairly well and I gave birth to an amazingly healthy 8lb 7oz little girl in just a few short hours! This pregnancy started off normally sucky and continued that way until 20 weeks when I was sent to the hospital for heart palpitations, an irregular heartbeat and high blood pressure. It was deemed my bodies poor reaction to the increased blood in my system. Thankfully, nothing came of it and eventually I stopped having "episodes" (what I called it when my heart would race, I'd start shaking, my BP would go up, etc). Then, at 32 weeks I felt crumby. It only got worse & worse. My blood pressure was on the rise. Over the course of a day it went from normal to 160s/100s (average is 120/70, my norm was 100s/60s). The next day I was diagnosed with PIH....again. And put on a medication called Labetelol....again. Since then I've been sent to the hospital once because my BP got so high. And I'm on modified bedrest. And I have almost daily headaches. And I have to go in to see my OB and have non-stress tests (NSTs) once a week. And we won't get into the poking, prodding & peeing into a jug that I have to do inbetween! In the mean time, I just hope that things remain stable. I hope that it doesn't turn into pre-e (my last pee in a jug session showed borderline #s, I just took another one yesterday and am waiting on the results). I pray to keep this baby cooking until at least 37 weeks, but 38 would be even better. I have to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM aka high risk OB) doctor just in case.

So yea. Pregnancy sucks. But, I can't leave out the good parts. It *is* the miracle of life. It *is* amazing to feel your baby kick. roll, punch, stretch, get the hiccups and actually breathe. (I thought people were nuts when I first heard you could feel your baby "practice breathing", but it's true! You can!). It's amazing creating something out of the love you share with your partner. No one could ever describe the feeling of holding YOUR BABY for the 1st time. Looking in their eyes and knowing that you've loved them since they were only 2 pink lines. And knowing that they already know your touch, your voice, that you are their mother (or father, in case any dad's happen to read this).

So maybe pregnancy isn't all bad. Maybe it isn't as sucky as I made it out to seem in the beginning. I mean, I'm doing it for a SECOND TIME. Some women, even the ones who don't see it as all unicorns & flower filled meadows, do it many more times than that! Maybe it's kind of, sort of an incredible experience that we as females are blessed to go through.....even if we don't like every single part of it.




Disclaimer: I know there are millions of women out there who battle infertility or have gone through miscarriages. I know that some people would give anything to feel morning sickness, exhaustion, and even have the fears of PIH, Pre-e, GD and all the other abbreviations I've mentioned and not mentioned. This post is meant mostly in jest and as a way to vent my current frustrations & even fears and is not meant to alienate any of the aforementioned women. As I mentioned, I've had to go through fertililty treatments and my heart goes out to anyone else who has.